Requiem for a Goldfish

What comedian makes you pee your pants laughing?
Submitted by pookieb.

I guess Jack Black (if he counts). I don't really find Peter Kay etc that funny. I do like cartoons such as Family Guy, Drawn together etc... Hmm. I just have a very twisted sense of humour so it's often hard to find things that make me laugh!

Hmm does this work! Ooh I wonder!

What's your method for calculating a tip?

a £20 meal will get between £1-£2.50 depending on how good it was :) I have given a £5 tip before for an amazing meal (chinese, yum)... never tipped more than £5 though I must admit.

What song best describes your current mood?
Submitted by Section31.

Well, I have no idea how I feel right now. But this is a song I like... I have been thinking a lot about how lucky I am to have Guy after the breakup, that we managed to patch things up. The day I went to Birmingham to meet Guy Teh Mother felt very sad. So I bought her  candles, bubble bath and a CD- Regina Spektors latest album Begin to Hope. I heard this song off it and almost cried. Since then it reminds me of my relationship with Guy. I hear it and I smile because I was so close to losing one of the best people in my life. I  adore that boy, I'm so grateful we could sort stuff out. :) 

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first, I loved you first

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth

I have to go, I have to go

Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed

Not much hair left on his head

He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed

And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us

And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first, I loved you first

Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads

But they're just old light, they're just old light

Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed

Told me that my hair was red

Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed

Oh I cut his hair myself one night

A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light

And he told me that I'd done alright

and kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light

and he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed

not much hair left on his head

Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed

Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down

Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one

And history books forgot about us

And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first

What's the most drastic change you've ever made to your appearance?
Submitted by Laurie.

Sadly, not very drastic. I guess my tattoos, but they're not even easily seen by most people (they're on my back so most people don't even know I have them!) I do like to be minus pubic hair, so I guess that counts as a change :)

How do you eat your pizza:  folded, flat or with a fork and knife?
Submitted by danimass.

Flat, but with a knife and fork., Usually cut into slices.. then most of the time eaten witha  knife and fork unless I fancy getting mucky and using my fingers!

The streets of  F’shii bustled with life as the sun broke over the thatched roofs. An alleyway lay silently amongst the movement, its cobbles cold to the touch as it nestled between two tall buildings. A girl sat on a doorstep in the wintery chill not yet touched by spring. Her brown hair was cropped to her jaw in a jagged line, covering her stone grey eyes. She sighed and wrapped the shawl tighter around her skinny arms and shuffled her feet further under herself. It was not yet time for her work to begin and so she waited patiently, a basket beside her covered with a ragged brown cloth. Her clothes were not that of royalty, but well made despite the sheen of dust. F’shii was covered in dust when it wasn’t covered in mud.

The door opened and a stern looking woman, plump, yet without the redness around the cheeks to suggest she worked in the kitchens, looked out and then down at the floor.

“Melanna, why do you always sit on the doorstep? You know the mistress dislikes the mess your clothes are anyway, why make them worse?”

“Yes, Corienth. I’m sorry. Where is Miss Amathalia?”

“The drawing room. You’re to change into your uniform before you see her though. The room off the kitchen hallway is free for you to change in.”

Corienth held the door open for the teacher and then hurried away to the bedrooms upstairs. She shook her head as she went, noticing the dusty stain down Melanna’s skirts and tutted under her breath before beginning the mornings tasks.

The skirts of her uniform were considerably larger than those she wore to and from work. They crackled in an uninviting way when she walked and were heavily brocaded on the top layer with tiny bells interwoven along the bottom. It was impossible to go unnoticed in the home of the most influential family in Skatolon’s capital, Sapula. The House could be dated thousands of years back from the present Head of House right to the formation of the Madoris. Whilst the ruler, Lord Samaington, lived in the city of Tam, south of the river that split Eastern Skatolon in two, it was really Sapula that acted as the capital. It had been decided that Amathalia should be given time to learn of the country she lived in, and so a vast array of servants and an advisor had travelled to the House’s second residence, the stately town house modestly snuggled deep in the heart of the merchant quarter.

Working for a house steeped in this much tradition and power meant there were many voiced and unvoiced rules that needed to be upheld. High servants and those who were contracted to work for the House, such as teachers, were requested to wear traditional clothing. Melanna was only young, despite the knowledge visible in her deep eyes, and so was lucky to be in a position where she was treated with respect by the Household. Melanna passed along the tiny kitchen passageway and up to the back staircase. Even here, the wealth of the House shone through. The wide stairs were contained on one side by a polished oak banister and swooped in a curve to the first floor. Melanna hurried up the stairs, her skirts gathered at her knees, the bells chiming sweetly. Slipping out of the doorway and onto the landing her feet sunk into the plush carpet and she swept along briskly. She was already late and she had so little time to teach Amathalia what she needed to know.

There was a slight knock on the door and the tall girl curled up in an armchair continued to read. Her black hair curled around her face gently, matching her dark eyes. She turned the page and smiled, blissfully unaware of her surroundings. The curtain twitched silently and a shadow moved swiftly against the door. Another knock, this time louder.

“Enter.”

Amathalia continued to read as Melanna opened the door a fraction and slipped in. She glanced up at her teacher, so thin and pale and her brow furrowed in concern.

“Melanna, are you feeling quite right? You’ve seemed a little unwell the last two visits you’ve paid me. Is there anything I can do to help? Do you have enough to eat? Father will pay you more if I ask him.”

“Miss Amathalia, I am merely cold, but thank you for your offer. Would you like to begin our lesson?”

Melanna turned to the table and placed her basket gently on the table. She looked up and gasped.

“Melanna! What is it?”

“Oh, Miss Amathalia, nothing. I just realised I forgot one of your textbooks”

Amathalia continued to read her novel, her chair facing the window overlooking the busy merchants road. The dark shape against the door flowed across the floor and under the table, brushing coldly against Melanna’s body as it moved up and into the basket. Melanna moved her fingers deftly in a ritual imbedded in her subconscious.

Her bells chimed as she collapsed onto the table, hitting her head on the heavy dining chair as she fell to the floor. The black shape swiftly moved underneath the table before streaking across the floor and slipping between the heavy double doors and into the hallway. Amathalia leapt from her chair and cradled Melanna’s head in her lap.

“Melanna! Wake up! Melanna! Oh, I knew you didn’t look well..” she hurriedly grabbed the bell from the table and shook it fiercely. Corienth rushed into the room, gave a hurriedly curtsey and leaned over Melanna with a concerned look.

“Miss Amathalia, whatever happened?” she said quietly.

“I don’t know! I was reading my book then I heard her fall to the floor. She didn’t look very well when she walked in today. Oh, Corienth, what’s wrong with her?”

“I don’t know, Miss. Stay with her, I’ll get some of the kitchen boys to help me move her to one of the servant chambers. Then we must fetch the Head of House. Master Sakantai will know what to do.”

Amathalia nodded fearfully. “I will get Father for you, then.”

Windows, Mac, Linux - What's your preference and why?
Submitted by ramblingsbymark.

Well, up till a couple of wees ago, I was a Windows girl through and through. Then, I bought something very big and expensive in the form of a 20" iMac. It was love! Now I really like Mac OS X and it's all strange when I have to use Windows (I have got it installed on my iMac as well). I still feel very slow using OS X but I've found it to be fairly intuitive and easy to use. Yep, I'm a convert!

Her heavy woollen cloak hung damp against her back and her hood dripped rainwater into her eyes. Ruthe pulled it tighter around her slim figure and pressed back against the wall of the inn. The night forewarned trouble and she was not one to turn away from the messages the weather held.

It had been almost four hours now since she had been waiting outside in the damp and eventually the sheets of rain relented and instead a cool stillness settled. The night was silent, with inn doors and windows held closed allowing only a few puddles of light to escape into the street.

Then, she heard it. A door creaked, a crack of light ran along the street and ended just inches from her feet. She retreated around the corner and peered around. Ohann shuffled on her shoulder and clacked his beak quietly. The raven was agitated by whoever had left the inn. Footsteps fell, heavily. Male, tall, stockily built she thought. Without realising it, she pulled her sleeve away from her hand and tensed her mind in preparation. Ohann ruffled his feathers and glided to the other side of the alleyway. She smiled at how well he knew her. The birds eye glinted wickedly for a brief moment and then he was gone, blended into the darkness, with the underworld. She followed suit, and opened up her mind to the light, her Shaalan that surrounded everyone if only they knew how to see it and she phased out of the world and into a kind of limbo.

Her hearing sharpened and her eyesight increased. The footsteps had stopped, but now they increased again with urgency. Heading towards her. It was hard to focus her mind on the task at hand, blinded by the light she floated in. Still, Ohann's spirit was still imprinted on her own and she could feel him on the other side of the alleyway.

The man paused, his subconscious sensing that something was afoot. He sniffed twice, deeply and then looked to either side. A second set of footsteps was heard in the distance, but travelling fast. The man looked relieved at hearing the sound and he turned his back to the alleyway to watch for his companion. Ruthe projected her mind over the alleyway and told Ohann to wait until she gave the signal. Her answer was a mocking feeling on the outskirts of her mind, the mental image of a wry smile.

The stranger beckoned to his friend to catch up, and the two nodded to each other in greeting. And then they drew their swords. Brilliant blue and shining in the swirl of darkness around them, Ruthe startled a little. She was expecting trouble, but not sent by Sickonlo. These men were assasins sent by the God himself. Her breath tightened and her grip on her Shaalan was firm. She could sense Ohann fiercely holding back his Maakan, grimly prepared to fight to the end for his mistress.

The strangers pushed back their cloaks and moved their hoods. Their eyes darted in the dark, a glimpse of a shine every so often when the weak light from the barely visible moon hit them. The first gave a quick signal with two fingers and the second nodded and hung back behind.

Ruthe released her breath slowly and then brought herself out of the light and back into the real world. The men stood, staring at this woman who had appeared out of nowhere, before they lifted their swords and swung them towards her. They might have been careful, but they'd made use of the inn and even without the use of magic she could dodge the dangerous blue blades.

"The first one to die!" the taller man shouted, his mouth twisting into a perverse smile. Ruthe tensed and readied herself to protect her life. She whispered a chant under her breath and felt the flare of magic around her, the air crackling with the power she commanded. She brought her hand to her chest and felt the breeze she summoned blow back her cloak. Her hood slipped and brilliant scarlet hair shone, countering the azure glow of the swords. She watched, her eyes focused intently on them, and felt a twinge of fear run through the two men as they realised how immense and seemingly impossible their task really was.

"Now!" she cried, and Ohann fizzled into this world, a dark mist gathered around him. She watched as their swords dipped lower. Then, in a burst of fools courage, the first man leapt forward, his sword swinging for her neck and as it connected with her skin, the blade broke into pieces upon the cobblestones. Her hand extended to him, and he felt searing heat tear around his neck until he fell limp to the ground, the hilt still held tightly in his hand.

Seeing what fate had befallen his companion, the second man turned tail, dropping the sword and running for the safety of the yard he had run from. Ohann took off, speeding towards him, the black mist dropping off in a trail behind. She heard a yell. And then silence as Ohann flew to her shoulder and she picked up the blue blade thoughtfully and tested the weight in her hand. Why had Sickonlo sent two untrained boys to attempt to kill her?

Ohann jumped from her shoulder, uttering a warning and she turned back to the alleyway she had been hiding in, still touching her Shaalan and maintaining the shield that protected her. 

(C) Philippa McMahon 2006

What's your dream career? 
Submitted by Something.

At the moment my dream career would be as an author if only I could knuckle down and get a decent amount written in one go! I'd be happy with any career that involved writing, but author would be brilliant!